Twelve Seconds to Sunset
by justanamelessauthor
Summary: Sirius Black did not believe in fate, and he certainly didn't believe in true love. Knowing this, imagine his surprise when he begins to have feelings for resident werewolf and fellow marauder Remus Lupin...
1. We'll Take the Lot

**Chapter 1**

 **We'll Take the Lot**

Sirius Black did not believe in fate. He didn't believe in some higher deity that prevailed over our every movement. He didn't believe in permanency of any sort, and he certainly didn't believe in true love. In fact, he thought that most things were a load of crap, and you were best off avoiding any sort of seriousness altogether, a concept which he was often loathe to contradict with his own name.

As he stepped through the enchanted wall to platform 9¾ on September 1st of 1975, ready to begin his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he was not nearly as amused as the first years, who ran across the platform staring up at the train with buggy eyes. "You've got some drool on your chin," he said flippantly to a tiny looking wizard who was gazing up at the train in wonder. Sirius rolled his eyes. In fact, as any spectator could clearly see, Sirius Black was unequivocally _un_ amused.

Remus Lupin was minding his own business when the compartment door slid open with a bang, startling him and making him jump. He looked up to see Sirius Black, standing in the doorway. "You made me lose my page, you arse," he muttered, picking his book up off the floor. Sirius scowled. "Alright, what's got your wand in a twist?"

"Don't want to talk about it," He muttered sulkily before sliding into the seat next to him.

"Alright then," said Remus, burrowing his nose back into the pages of his book.

"What, you're just going to give it up that easily? You aren't even going to try to get me to open up and all that rubbish?" Sirius said, peeling the book off of his friend's face.

"You said you didn't want to talk about it!" said Remus defensively. "Besides, it's a very good book," he muttered slightly more quietly.

"Well I changed my mind," Sirius said, crossing his arms. "Fucking hell, coming second to a bloody book." Remus stood up, reaching to put the book into his trunk with a sigh. "You've gotten taller," Sirius said quizzically.

"I suppose so," said Remus.

"You have," said Sirius with a sense of finality. There was a pause. Remus sat back down. "Listen Moony, I-," he began, presumably about to tell him just what it was that had been plaguing him for the last twenty minutes, only to be interrupted by a rude bang and a tall boy with what appeared to be a stray badger sitting on top of his head. "For fuck's sake James, did you have to open it so loud?" he groaned.

"Now you know how I feel," said Remus, poking him in the arm. Sirius pretended he didn't hear him.

"Guess who just got a date with Lily Evans?" he said, ignoring their complaints.

"No, It can't be. It isn't possible," Sirius gaped. Remus seemed to realize his mouth was wide open and promptly closed it.

"Not me, you prat. Do you think I would look this miserable and pathetic if I'd just gotten a date with Evans? No, Jasper Prewett is who," he grumbled, "Stupid Hufflepuff."

"You _do_ have a pathetic look about you," Remus acknowledged sagely.

Sirius laughed. "I knew there was no way she agreed to go out with you, especially not after that _horrid_ letter you sent her this summer. Godric, what were you even thinking? Poetry, James? Really?"

Remus snickered as James's ears turned pink.

"Oi, that reminds me, don't you have somewhere to be, traitor?" he said, rounding on Remus. Remus rolled his eyes, pulling out a shiny badge with a 'P' on it and clipping it to his robes.

"I've told you, it had to be one of us four. It isn't so bad, really. You're being overly dramatic," he said, getting up.

"Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of your _betrayal_ ," Sirius said, squinting his eyes and turning away, effectively shunning him. Remus rolled his eyes again as he closed the compartment door and walked in the direction of the prefect meeting.

Remus was about seven compartments away from the prefect carriage when he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder as he was yanked through an open door. He looked up to see a pair of blue eyes. "How come you didn't owl me over the summer?" asked Alex Norton, a square-faced Ravenclaw who Remus had become quite, well... _acquainted_ with in the last few months of fifth year.

"You know perfectly well why. You have stuff that you need to figure out and I don't want to be part of it. I have somewhere to be," he sighed, pushing past him. A hand caught his wrist and pulled him back into the empty compartment.

"But I like spending time with you," Alex said, moving gently from his wrist to hold his hand. "Can't we just mess around without putting a label on it?"

"I'm not interested in being some kind of experiment for you, Alex. Either you're straight or you aren't. When you figure it out, you know where to find me. I really have to go now," he said with a pained expression, turning towards the door.

"Wait, please," Alex said. Remus paused. Alex sighed. "I missed you." He was right behind Remus now, reaching his hands around his waist. Remus turned, looking down into his pretty blue eyes. They were close now. Remus closed his eyes as Alex leaned forwards. Their lips were just beginning to touch as, down the hall, Lily Evans slid open the door to the prefect compartment, which was now full and buzzing with a gentle chatter, and stepped out.

"Where are you going?" asked the head girl, Lauren Walker.

"I'm off to find Remus, he isn't here yet," she said with a smile, shrugging lightly.

"Okay, but hurry back, the meeting's about to start," she said, waving her off. There was only one compartment with the blinds pulled over the window down the hall, so Lily assumed this was where Remus was, if not down in his usual compartment with his idiot friends. She wouldn't be surprised if they were holding him captive.

"Remus, are you in here?" she called, knocking gently on the door. There was a shuffle inside before a very flushed, very messy looking Remus Lupin poked his head through the door. "Remus? Are you okay?" she said, surprised.

"I'm fine," he said, looking a little confused. "Why?"

"You just...you look a little flustered is all," she said, shrugging it off. Then her eyes widened. "Remus, have you been snogging someone in there?" she gasped.

"Of course not, what would give you that idea?" he shifted uncomfortably.

"Well go on, budge over. Who is it?" she said excitedly, ignoring the crimson color rapidly overtaking Remus' face. If anything, it seemed to encourage her. She pulled the door open. "Norton?" she said, confused, regarding the other figure in the compartment who was, like Remus, rather flustered looking and rather red in the face. "You guys were- so, you- oh my god, I knew it" she gasped.

"What? Oh, no we weren't snogging, Lily. We were just... having an argument," Alex offered, forcing a chuckle.

"A...an argument. What about?" Lily asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Well, Al- Norton stole my book," he 'explained'.

"Why on earth would you do that, Norton?" she asked, rounding on Alex; ignoring the flimsiness of the argument to come to the aid of a fellow intellectual.

"Because I like it, and it has a very nice cover," Alex said.

"I'm glad you like its cover, but why couldn't you just read another book?" Remus fired back.

"Because I like this one the best"

"Well maybe you should make your mind up about books before you just go around taking mine"

"I told you, I don't know how I feel about books. Why should that matter if I like this one?"

"You can't just go around ki- er, reading any bloke you want. Book! You can't just go around reading any book you want!"

"I don't want any book, I want yours!" Alex huffed exasperatedly.

Lily was regarding this exchange with a rather quizzical expression. "Sounds like an interesting book," she asserted, growing both confused and bored by the argument. The two boys whirled around as if only now realizing that she was still there. "Come on, Remus, the meeting's about to start." The two of them walked out, leaving Alex behind with a frown on his face, thinking about books and blokes and feeling very confused about the whole ordeal.

Lily tilted her head to the side, thinking carefully. "So, what's the deal with this book? Is it any good?" she asked, stepping through the doorway to the prefects compartment.

"It's a really good book. A fantastic read," Remus admitted.

"So, what's the problem then?" Lily asked.

"I just... I don't know where the book and I stand," he sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"What if the book doesn't go the way I'm hoping it will? What if it doesn't end how I want it to?" he finished lamely, talking absently to himself more than to Lily.

If she found this sequence of logic to be unusual, she didn't acknowledge it. "You like the book though, right?" she asked.

Remus bit his lip. "Yeah, I do."

Well...in my experience, you have to keep reading the book to see how it ends. Even if it isn't the ending you wanted, at least then you know. Otherwise, you'll just be stuck thinking about it," she finished optimistically, offering him a comforting smile.

"Thanks, Lily," Remus said, brightening a little bit. "Hang on a minute, what did you mean earlier when you said 'I knew it'?" he said, furrowing his brow. Lily turned pink and opened her mouth (no doubt about to stammer out an excuse equally as flimsy as 'he stole my book'), but was saved when the head girl stood up, scanning the room briefly and then opening her mouth to speak.

"Looks like we're all here then," she said, clasping her hands together for emphasis. "Now that we're back for another year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts, I'd like to go over a couple of rules that you may have forgotten since last year…"

Back in the compartment, Sirius and James had just realized there was an absence in their compartment (other than Remus, obviously.) A rather _large_ absence, at that. "Hey, where's Pete?" James suddenly said, sitting up.

"You don't suppose he's missed the train, do you?" Sirius said, searching around the compartment as if he expected Peter to be hiding under his seat. A few minutes later, Peter thrust open the compartment door with a bang. Sirius and James both jumped and looked up to see him standing in the doorway. "For fuck's sake, so goddamn loud," Sirius muttered under his breath.

"Where were you, asshole?" James said, looking glad to see him. "You almost missed the trolley lady."

"I was with Ally," Peter said with a superior grin. James rolled his eyes. Sirius groaned.

"You guys are back together again, I suppose?" he sighed. Peter only grinned. "...and I suppose you plan to tell us all about it now," he said, rubbing his head. "I'm getting a headache."

"Oi, speaking of the trolley lady, where is she?" Peter asked, turning his attention to his rather round and protesting stomach.

"I don't fucking know," said Sirius. "But I hope she's here soon, I'm starving."

"No, you aren't! You had sixteen pieces of french toast this morning before we left!" James protested.

"I'm starving," Sirius said again, ignoring him. James crossed his arms.

"So anyway, about me and Ally," Peter started. James looked interested. Sirius groaned again. "I was just getting on the train, on my way over here, and then I saw her in her compartment. At first, I was just going to ignore her, y'know since she didn't even owl me this summer and since she said we were 'done for good' last time but then she saw me and she knew I had seen her so I couldn't just walk away. So I went in to say hi, and then she closes the door, and next thing I know we're snogging," He gave a sly grin at this and whispered, "plus, she even let me touch one of her-"

"Oh thank _Merlin_ ," Sirius yelled as he spotted the trolley lady outside of the window. She gave him a confused look and asked him to kindly let go of her robes. He sat back down, still looking relieved.

"Anything from the trolley, dears?" she asked nicely. James gave a questioning look to Sirius and Peter, who nodded encouragingly.

James grinned. "We'll take the lot."

"Did _you_ know that there's a rule that you can't take out exactly 23 books from the library at a time? Since when has that been a thing?" Lily asked Remus as they walked out of the prefect compartment together.

"Since first year," Remus replied casually.

"How the hell would you know that?" Lily asked with a look of amusement.

"Sirius has a whole list of the school rules in our dorm room."

Lily was confused."That seems...strangely out of character?"

"He calls it his 'to-do' list," Remus explained.

"That makes more sense," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Is this your compartment?" she asked as they stopped in the hallway.

"Yes, but it's...quiet? That doesn't make sense," he shook his head and knit his brows, and opened the compartment. Upon seeing the inside, Lily let out a disgusted gasp and muttered a quick goodbye, then walked quickly towards where her own compartment was.

"Right, what the bloody hell happened in here," said Remus, staring around the compartment with a mixture of awe and disgust.

"James took the lot," Sirius groaned from where he sat slumped in his seat.

"Not _again_ James! Or don't you remember what happened in third year?" Remus said sternly. He stared around at the sweet wrappers littered all over the compartment. "Did you...no you _couldn't_ have...did you eat _all_ of it?" James nodded with a pained and guilty expression.

"I'm going to be sick!" Peter suddenly groaned from his seat, slapping a hand over his mouth and running towards the loo.

"Look what you've done to poor Peter!" Remus exclaimed, wading through the wrappers to get to his seat.

As soon as he sat down, Sirius gave a loud groan next to him and slumped over into his lap. Remus rolled his eyes, gently patting him on the head. "You've got some chocolate on your face, you know, just...right there," he said, gesturing vaguely.

"Can't move...too full," Sirius moaned. Remus snorted, moving his hand to wipe the chocolate off his friend's face. "Idiot," Remus whispered affectionately as the boy in his lap drifted off to sleep.


	2. The Thinking Cap

**Chapter 2**

 **The Thinking Cap**

Sirius jolted upright as the train jerked to a screeching halt. He rubbed his eyes groggily, looking around. His hair was sticking up all over the place, and there was still a tiny smear of chocolate at the corner of his mouth. Staring at him in his bewildered and confused state, Remus suppressed a laugh. James tried to, but didn't quite manage. He started to chuckle. "Might want to fix your hair there, mate," he said with a playful smirk. Sirius experimentally raised his hand to touch his hair, gasping in horror when he felt a stray piece of hair pointing vertically upwards.

" _Fix me_ , Moony," he said dramatically, fanning his face. Remus rolled his eyes but obliged. After a couple minutes of intense finger-combing, he stepped back, admiring his work, and gave Sirius a quick thumbs up. They left the compartment noisily, waking Peter who was, like Sirius, quite groggy.

They trudged up towards the carriages, complaining about how muddy and wet it was. With every step, they sank about two inches into the ground, making an unpleasant sucking noise. Just within earshot, they could hear Lucius Malfoy complaining about how hungry he was. "And some utter cunt took _all_ the candy from the trolley!" they could hear him whine to the squat, chubby Slytherin next to him who looked as though he would rather be anywhere else. They snickered to themselves as they got into their carriage, and the invisible horses pulled them home.

"You know, you aren't going to have any room for dinner after all those sweets you ate on the train," Remus teased, poking Sirius in the stomach.

"Fat chance," Sirius scoffed, jabbing him back slightly harder. "I'm _starving._ "

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yeah right. What happened to ' _can't move...too full_ '?" he said, in a _spot-on_ impression of Sirius Black.

Twenty minutes later Remus choked on his words as he watched Sirius Black down two turkey legs, about a pint of mashed potatoes, several pieces of steak and three goblets of pumpkin juice, and _then_ anxiously await dessert.

The sorting ceremony had been largely uneventful; the hat sang a song much like the one it had sung the year before, and the year before that. The first years were tiny, sweaty, and anxious. Professor McGonagall called the students crisply and quickly by last name, pausing to place the hat on their head while it deliberated over where they would live for the next seven years. When one particularly ugly student (Runcorn, Albert) was sorted into Slytherin, James snorted, "If my son looked like that, I'd have no choice but to disown him!" Sirius thought it was quite funny, Remus thought it was less funny, and Peter thought it was funny because James and Sirius did, and that was reason enough for him.

As they tiredly funneled out of the Great Hall, Remus spotted Alex near a few of his Ravenclaw friends. "You guys go on, I'll catch up with you," he said hurriedly to his friends. Sirius gave a concerned glance before shaking his head and returning to a neutral expression.

"I have to go too, actually. I should say hi to McKinnon. I'll meet you guys in the dorm," he said before disappearing into the crowd of students.

Just as Remus was about to reach Alex, he heard a voice. "Remus, can you help me? We have to lead the first years back to the dorm." It was Lily Evans and she was casting him a desperate look. Behind her was a group of about nine eleven-year-olds.

"Crap," he said under his breath.

"What did you say?" a little girl asked, looking up at him. He turned red.

"Uh...nothing. It doesn't matter" he said, internally dying.

"He said 'crap'! I heard him," a little boy said gleefully. "Crap, crap, crap."

"Please don't say that," Remus pleaded, desperately trying to hush the boy.

"You mothercrapper," said the little girl from behind him. Remus put his face in his hands. He could feel a headache coming on.

Sirius got back to the Gryffindor common room in time to see an uncomfortable looking Remus leading a gaggle of first years, one of whom he _thought_ he heard saying 'crap' over and over again, but he couldn't be certain. He saw Marlene in the corner and walked up to her. "Hey," he said, giving her a quick smile.

"Hey yourself," she said coyly back to him. They had started dating in May of last year, when Sirius had asked her to Hogsmeade as part of a poorly planned scheme by James to get a date with Lily Evans (you don't even want to know). He had been entirely surprised to find that she wanted another date, and then another and another. If asked about her, he would say that she was pretty, that she was nice; that he liked spending time with her. They were no Romeo and Juliet (not that either of them knew what that was), and they were definitely no James and Lily (which Sirius was perfectly alright with).

Before the silence could become uncomfortable, she walked towards him and pulled him in for a kiss. It was wet and sloppy, and Sirius was distinctly aware of the people all around him, but he supposed that he liked it. It wasn't as if he had many kisses to compare it to. He pulled away, too soon for her liking but perhaps not quite soon enough for his. She grinned up at him.

Across the common room, Remus Lupin decided that he really needed to go talk to Alex Norton, ignoring a slight twist in his stomach. He told himself he must have eaten something that didn't quite agree with him.

It was nearly curfew when Remus finally found Alex. It was a mere stroke of luck that he would be in the library. Then again, luck had slightly less to do it when you consider that they both spent about 85% of their time in the library.

Alex was sitting in a secluded back corner. Most of the students had slowly left the library already as curfew got nearer; not that many students had opted to spend their first day back in the library. He looked up quickly when he saw Remus out of the corner of his eye, but his face stayed neutral. He sighed, putting his book down on the table. "What is it, Remus?"

"I've been thinking and I realized that it doesn't matter. Whether you like books, I mean. I've decided that I don't care. I want to see where the story goes and I can't if I don't give it a chance," he said, with a cautious but gentle smile.

Alex blinked twice. "That's wonderful, but I have absolutely _no idea_ what you're on about," He said cluelessly, turning his attention back to his book.

"For Merlin's sake," Remus said. "I was trying to be creative and you ruined it. I want to tell you that I think we should try. Dating, I mean. It doesn't matter that you have stuff to figure out because I like you and I think you like me, and I'm happy when I'm with you," Remus elaborated with an exasperated sigh. Alex's eyes widened.

"Oh... _oh_. I- I'd like that," he said, grinning ear to ear. He got up, stumbling a bit on his chair, smile unfaltering. Remus grinned back at him. They stepped into each other awkwardly, pausing for a split second to just _look_ , and then they kissed, unsure whose idea it was or who started it but not entirely caring at all.

It was romantic and passionate, gentle and subdued, argumentative but compromising. Alex reached his hands up, wrapping them in Remus' curly golden locks. They stumbled ungracefully into a nearby bookshelf still pressed against each other, giggling between kisses and then moaning as it became more passionate. Alex thudded against the bookshelf, certain he would have bruises on his lower back but too distracted to mind at all. Remus picked him up by his thighs, pressing against him and stabilizing themselves against the bookshelf. He worked his way down his neck, sucking gently at that perfect spot making Alex throw back his head and try to muffle the debauched sounds coming from his mouth. The horny bastards were lucky nobody else was in the library or they'd have gotten quite an eyeful.

When they finally separated, their eyes were shining and their hair was wild and untamed. Remus was grinning ear to ear and Alex was laughing gently as they caught their breath.

"That was...wow," Remus laughed, sighing, drunk on kisses and youthful vivacity. Alex could only nod, breathless from being quite literally swept off his feet.

Alex laughed to himself. "What is it?" Remus asked, still smiling.

"This book is fantastic. Glad I swiped it from you," he said, shooting him a grin.

Remus groaned. "Merlin, don't remind me. That has got to be the _worst_ lie in the history of lies."

"And you call yourself a marauder," Alex said with mock pity and a heavy sigh.

"Shut it, 'Mr.-we-were-in-an-argument'," Remus said, rolling his eyes kindly.

When Remus stumbled through the portrait hole about ten minutes later, thankfully having avoided Filch and- _shudder_ \- Mrs. Norris, the common room was entirely empty, save for Lily Evans in her token armchair and a couple of first years, no doubt still in awe after their first day. Lily looked up when he walked in, taking in his appearance and smiling at him. "How's your book?" she asked.

"Fantastic," Remus grinned, throwing himself down into a large chair near the fireplace. Lily was glad.

A few minutes later, Sirius came stumbling down the stairs looking a bit troubled. "Everything okay?" Remus asked, concern flashing in his eyes briefly. Lily politely got up from her chair and went upstairs to the dormitory to give them some privacy. Either that or she just didn't want to be in the same room as Sirius Black...they weren't _exactly_ friends. The first years had gone to bed a couple minutes ago, leaving Remus and Sirius alone in the eerily quiet common room.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just had to get out of the dorm. Peter and James are-" Sirius cringed, "...you don't even want to know," he said with a sigh.

Remus suddenly remembered something. "Hey, back on the train- you were going to say something before James walked in, right? I remember you were upset about something," He said, mentally hitting himself for having forgotten it. He thought he saw Sirius's eyes widen for a second, but he figured he must have imagined it.

"It doesn't really matter...I was just in a bad mood I guess. Low blood sugar and such," he said with a weak smile.

"Well, you definitely solved that problem on the train," Remus said with an eye roll. Sirius grinned, reaching into his pocket.

"I saved a chocolate frog for you," he said, handing him the small foil packet. Remus visibly brightened, hastily unwrapping it and stuffing it into his mouth ungracefully. Sirius stifled a chuckle.

" _Fuck,_ that's good," Remus said, making some, well, _indecent_ noises as he stuffed his face.

Sirius' eyes lit up with glee. "Moony! You _cursed_!" Remus reddened.

"I curse _sometimes_ ," he said defensively, "For _chocolate_ , I'll do near anything"

"Well, don't sell yourself short Moony, or you'll sound like a cheap prostitute," Sirius said with a sly grin. Remus choked.

The laughter died, and there was a pause, along with it a sense that the conversation had shifted.

Sirius spoke, if only to fill the uncomfortable silence that now filled the room. "Listen, Moony, about our fight right before summer hols.." he sighed. "You were right. I was an utter twat and I'm sorry."

"You don't have to-" Remus started, only to be interrupted.

"-No, I do," Sirius said firmly. "Its just-," he sighed. "She was my _girlfriend_ , and I thought- I don't know. But I never meant to make you feel like- well, it doesn't matter. The point is, I was an arse and I'm sorry," he said, offering an apologetic smile.

Remus smiled back. "It's fine. It's forgotten," he said, shrugging it off. He looked down at the chocolate frog card, which he had forgotten he was still holding. "I got Dumbledore," he said, holding it up for Sirius to see. "He's not in his portrait, though," he said, slightly disappointed.

"Of course not," Sirius said with a laugh. "You can't expect people to stick around forever."

Remus pocketed the chocolate frog card. "We should go to bed now, it's late," he said, getting up from the armchair by the fire.

As they walked up to their dormitory, he thought back to the disagreement he had just shrugged off and tried to ignore the tiny bit of guilt at his own recollection, and the crucial piece of information that Sirius could never know.

* * *

A/N I'm sorry if you're mad at this chapter. Having them both be so unavailable is so _ugh_. Be patient. They will get together eventually. I refuse to be one of those authors that creates a really interesting dynamic (though I'm not sure if I even have), then makes the main characters get together overnight. That's boring and upsetting to read. They both have stuff that they need to deal with before they can have a relationship together, and it would be an injustice to them, in my opinion, to get them together super early on. Please leave a review, or a follow, or whatever your heart desires. Thank you for reading this far! -Nameless 3

p.s. I already have chapter 3 written, titled 'Emotional Range of a Teaspoon', but I don't want to post it until I've gotten a head start on chapter 4. It will be a tad shorter, and it will take place in the past, to shed some light on Remus and Sirius' argument.


	3. Emotional Range of a Teaspoon

_**A/N**_

 _ **A few things before I start the chapter-**_

 _ **1\. I am very very sorry for not updating in a millennium. I've been busy as fuck, and I also ended up completely rewriting chapter three because the one I had before was complete rubbish.**_

 _ **2\. THIS IS NOT THE PRANK. it might seem like it's the whomping willow prank at the beginning. It isn't.**_

 _ **3\. I made a tumblr. It's the same as my account name (justanamelessauthor). I'll be posting info on updates there and you can ask questions or tell me ideas etc. etc. if you want. If anyone cares. I only have like .2 readers.**_

 _ **4\. ALSO I thought it could be interesting to put questions at the end of chapters just to think about. Idk.**_

 _ **4\. This chapter takes place in the past, at the end of fourth year. so brace yourselves. I guess.**_

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 **Emotional Range of a Teaspoon**

 _ **Early June, 1975**_

As Remus felt the first hints of consciousness pressing at him, he realized a few things. The first and most obvious; that he was no longer a wolf. The second, given the sterile, familiar scent and the scratchy sheets, that he must be in the hospital wing. The third, that his arm was wrapped in such a way that he couldn't move it, and it bloody hurt to try. The fourth, which he realized as he opened his eyes and adjusted to the harsh lighting, was that Sirius Black was nowhere to be found.

There were two boys sitting at the end of his bed. The rounder of the two was slumped ungracefully in a chair, snoring obnoxiously. The other was on the floor with his head gently on the bed, fighting a losing battle with sleep. He was just awake enough to notice that Remus had opened his eyes and was now looking blearily around the hospital wing.

" _Peter_ ," the sleep-deprived looking boy hissed, nudging the aforementioned roughly with his elbow.

"Wha- I wasn't asleep!" he yelped automatically as he jolted upright in the chair, wiping a bit of drool from his chin. James rolled his eyes.

"How are you feeling, Moony?" he said, with a concerned but encouraging smile.

"Where is he?" Remus croaked, still looking around the hospital wing as though he expected Sirius to pop out from a curtain and yell 'gotcha!' (which wasn't all that unlikely, to be fair). The other two did not need to ask who 'he' was, for there was only one 'he' that Remus could or ever would be referring to at that moment in time. They shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

"Is he- oh God, I didn't hurt him did I?" he said in a panicked voice, breathing too fast now and looking around the hospital beds frantically.

"No, no, no he's _fine_ ," James assured quickly.

"Just an insufferable _twat,_ " Peter added under his breath.

"...He couldn't come last night," James said cautiously.

"Why not?" Remus said. "Last I checked he already did detention for the mandrake incident, right? ...Or did he do something else?" he asked with an unsurprised eye roll.

"Well...the thing is, he- erm," James stammered. He paused for a moment and then sighed. "You should just talk to him."

Remus narrowed his eyes. "Peter," he said cooly, fixing his gaze on the round boy in the chair. Peter squirmed uncomfortably under his stare. "Tell me where Sirius went," he said slowly, carefully enunciating each word.

Peter held his breath, seeming to swell in anguish under the stares of both Remus, who was demanding information, and James, who was demanding confidentiality. His eyes flicked desperately between the two for a couple seconds before he groaned and spat out, "hewenttotheastonomytowertoseemarlenemckinnon."

James swatted him and hissed, "nice going, blabbermouth."

"Sorry," Peter whispered back loudly, ignoring James' eye-roll.

"Please don't be angry with him, Remus," James said. "Besides, I don't know why you hate Marlene so much. She's nice, _and_ she's friends with Lily," he said, as though that was all anyone had to do to earn his stamp of approval (and perhaps it was).

"It's not that I _hate_ her," Remus said defensively. James raised an eyebrow. "It's a strong dislike," he conceded, "At _most_."

"Whatever you say, mate," James replied dismissively.

"Well, where is he now, anyway?" he asked. "Did you tell him I was here?"

James scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "We would have, but the thing is…" he sighed. "Well, we couldn't find him in the dorm room this morning. He never came back last night," he said. It would be expected of teenage boys to say something stupid or immature in a situation like the one posed here, but luckily neither Peter nor James said anything more on the subject. They must have felt the air was tense and unsteady, even if they hadn't the foggiest why.

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. He closed his eyes and shook his head once, like his mind was an etch-a-sketch and the movement could wipe it clean. Then, he cleared his throat and said one thing, barely audible, and barely finished as his throat closed around the sound.

"Oh."

They all sat there for a moment, awkward and silent. Madame Pomfrey stopped by as she flitted through her morning rounds, reminding them with a motherly sternness that they had ten more minutes left to talk. She knew better than to limit them to five. Besides, over the years she had acquired something of a soft spot for the boys who cared far more about each other than for her rules.

Remus rolled over and shut his eyes, leveling out his breathing. A few uneventful minutes passed before James (who probably realized he was faking) charitably whispered, "come on, Pete. He's asleep."

But he wasn't, and he wouldn't be for a while. He was too busy trying to tell himself that he didn't care.

Remus was released from the hospital wing a few hours later, and about an hour before curfew. He walked distractedly along the well-known path to Gryffindor tower, yawning once before the Fat Lady. "Password?" she asked.

He scrunched up his nose as he tried to remember before the words sprung to the front of his mind. "et mortuus est ante illam velum," he said tiredly. The portrait swung open, but to Remus' surprise a figure was stood in the entryway. "Sirius," he said, surprised.

Sirius stepped out into the hallway to stand in front of him. "Hey," he said. Remus didn't respond. Sirius' gaze landed on his arm. "Are you okay?" he asked. Remus nodded. Neither of them said anything for a beat.

Remus took a breath. "Where were you?" he asked, as though hearing it from Sirius would make what he said any different.

Sirius shifted his weight guiltily. "I couldn't make it because I was with Marlene."

Remus couldn't entirely explain the wave of anger that rose in him at this, this mysterious thing that came over him and caused him to say what came out of his mouth next. "Couldn't, or wouldn't?" he asked coldly. Sirius' eyes widened in shock. It wasn't unheard of for mellow, bookish Remus Lupin to get angry, but it was definitely rare enough that it came as an unpleasant surprise.

"I thought you would be okay with just James and Peter," he said sheepishly.

Remus snorted. "Clearly," he deadpanned, gesturing towards his bandaged arm. Sirius grimaced.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You aren't, though. You can't be. You don't just get to apologize like it's fine just because you're _sorry_ , like all of a sudden I matter to you because now I'm mad and it doesn't suit you," Remus said. Sirius flinched.

"Of course you fucking _matter_ to me Remus, you're my best friend," Sirius said, a bit angry but mostly confused.

"Well it hasn't fucking felt like it lately, _Sirius,_ " Remus spat. "You hardly even talk to me anymore. Of course, that would be hard to do _with your tongue down Marlene McKinnon's throat_ ," he spat sarcastically.

Sirius recoiled like he had been slapped. "I haven't even- Remus, I-" he started.

"Tell me you would rather have been there," Remus interrupted.

"What?" Sirius asked stupidly.

Remus took a breath and shut his eyes tightly in a poor effort to squeeze the tears back in. "Tell me you would have rather been there for me instead of shagging Marlene McKinnon," he said with this voice that was distinctly his, but somehow didn't sound like him at all.

Sirius gaped for a moment, not exactly sure what to say. The truth was that he and Marlene McKinnon hadn't shagged at all (though she may have wanted to). The truth was that he was tempted to say yes, that he would have much rather been risking his life to stop his werewolf best friend from hurting himself than have been snogging his girlfriend in the astronomy tower, and he wasn't quite sure what kind of atypical teenage boy this fact made him. The truth was that he paused for just a moment too long, and Remus had heard all he needed to as he turned on his heel and raced away, leaving behind a very troubled boy who was too lost in his mind to call out 'wait!'.

Remus raced down the hallway. He ducked his head, rubbing at his splotchy cheeks and red eyes. He wasn't quite sure where he was going, but he needed to be somewhere else… somewhere he knew Sirius wouldn't follow him. He found himself in front of the library.

Reading always helped him feel better. It was like when his own world had gone to shit, he could escape to a new one for a while. He was sitting in the very back of the library, nestled at the corner of two shelves, when he saw a pair of feet approaching. He tried to wipe quickly at the hot tears leaking out of his eyes, but he couldn't quite get them to stop. Besides, the damage was already done. The feet stopped, and Remus felt someone slide down next to him.

"Are you okay?" they asked. Remus wasn't sure who it was, he was still hiding his face, but he could see a blue and silver striped tie out of the corner of his eye. The voice was distinctly male.

"Not really," he laughed half-heartedly.

"What happened?" asked the boy.

"It's a bit of a long story, really," Remus said. He wasn't really in the mood for talking.

"I've got time," the boy said, settling in next to him.

Remus sighed. "I've been in a bit of an argument with a friend. Well, more than a bit of an argument. And more than a friend, I suppose…" Remus started. The boy was a good listener, and quite perceptive.

"You have feelings for them?" He asked with this strange tone that sounded a bit surprised, but not really surprised at all. Remus hesitated and then, nearly imperceptibly, nodded his head up and down. "But they don't feel the same?"

Remus shook his head. "They're in a relationship with someone, but even if they weren't, they could never like me."

"Rubbish," the boy laughed next to him. "What's not to like?"

Remus chuckled feebly, before sighing. "I think I might have been too harsh on them. I said some things that I shouldn't have, I mean. The worst part is that I thought I didn't care anymore, but seeing him with her, hearing about them together...I couldn't do it," he said weakly. "And now I'm spilling my guts to a stranger in the library past curfew," he said with a feeble, self-loathing laugh.

"It's okay," the boy said, reassuringly putting a hand on his shoulder for a moment. "You're Remus Lupin, right?" he asked.

Remus looked up. The boy had straight teeth and clear skin, with strategically messy chocolate brown hair and perceptive blue eyes. He was quite attractive, Remus thought to himself.

"I'm Alex. Alex Norton," he amended with a smile, holding out his hand. Remus smiled back and took it.

* * *

 _ **question of the chapter**_ : how do you think Sirius would react to finding out about Remus' feelings for him?


End file.
